Post
6 years ago

Ranking “Star Wars”

As far back as I can remember, there has always been Star Wars. I’ve spent a good chunk of my 37 years thinking about A Galaxy Far, Far Away. Time was it was easy to rank the Star Wars movies, there were only 3 of them for crying out loud. Then we got 3 more, but it was still easy to rank them because the prequels were/are so obviously inferior.

But now Star Wars is a living franchise with a yearly release schedule. Rankings have gotten so much more complicated. They’ve also gotten much more fun.

For your reading pleasure (ed. ??), my Early 2017 Definitive “Star Wars” Film Ranking™.

  • Star Wars
  • The Empire Strikes Back
  • Return of the Jedi
  • The Force Awakens
  • Rogue One
  • The Phantom Menace
  • Revenge of the Sith
  • (a great gaping chasm)
  • Attack of the Clones

Say what you will about “The Empire Strikes Back”, it’s a great movie. But my heart belongs to “Star Wars”. This is the movie that introduces the world. Spaceships! Lasers! Robots! Aliens! The assault on the Death Star/Trench Run gets my pulse rate up every time.

I will give this to “The Empire Strikes Back”, it is the most visually striking, has the best soundtrack and the best costumes. And Boba Fett. As a kid I always looked at Empire as the one without my favorite things, space dogfights and stormtroopers.

In my mind it really is a toss-up for third place. “Return of the Jedi” just narrowly beats out “The Force Awakens” because of nostalgia and familiarity. I don’t hate the Ewoks. I love the Han Solo rescue sequence, the Emperor’s throne room fight and Biker Scouts.

When Episode VII was announced, I cringed. A new Star Wars set 30 years after the originals sounded like a terrible idea. I had no interest in seeing 70 year old Harrison Ford running around shooting guns. Boy, was I wrong. The first moments of the teaser trailer started to get me excited. By opening weekend I was fully onboard. “The Force Awakens” left me excited in a way that “Rogue One” did not. That excitement helps me over look the weaker moments from TFA. Given enough time, I can easily see this one moving up to the number 3 slot.

I’m tempted to bump “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” down further on the list. But I’ve only seen it one time, so it will hold at number 5 for the time being. This is another case of having doubts about the movie based on the description. The story sounded completely unnecessary. This is the first “anthology” movie and instead of telling a new story, they want to fill in details about Death Star plans? Yawn. The trailers, though, they got me excited. What I like about “Rogue One” is the perfect details. The filmmakers seamlessly matched the aesthetic of the original “Star Wars”. I really appreciate that. A few things dragged this movie down for me: the introduction of morally gray characters to the Rebellion. Yes, we can agree that Han Solo begins as a grey character. Call me old fashioned or out of touch but in a Star Wars film, I want my good guys to be good and my bad guys to be bad. Second, I left the theater and I barely remembered any character’s name. Five months later I can only recall Jyn Erso. I chalk that up as a failing of the filmmakers. The real moment that brought the whole movie crashing down was re-animating Peter Cushing. It disturbs me greatly. The technology is impressive but still feels deeply within the uncanny valley. And the idea of simulating a deceased actor’s performance is ethically challenged.

Maybe the first controversial pick in this whole list. I think “The Phantom Menace” lacks narrative focus (who is the protagonist exactly?), is embarrassingly juvenile and ultimately unimportant to the larger story arc of the franchise. BUT I don’t harbor the hatred for it that many online do. For all it’s annoyances, TPM is the only prequel I can stomach watching. Even as it destroys the mystique around the Force by introducing Midichlorians.

Ah, the “dark” one. You can tell from it’s placement that I don’t share the conventional enthusiasm for “Revenge of the Sith”. The lava fight is too long and too ridiculous. Padme is reduced to a wimpering character without much to do. Anakin’s turn is unconvincing and unearned. The Emperor goes way over the line into embarrassing caricature. The final 10 to 20 minutes feels like a rush job as Lucas scratched off his to-do list of loose ends.

“Attack of the Clones” is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It fails on so many levels, from the dead-on-arrival love story to the boring detective story to the wooden acting and the C-3PO puns. I don’t find the Yoda/Dooku lightsaber battle to be cool or interesting. I think it’s a complete bastardization of the Yoda character. It’s hard for me to think of anything I DO like about this movie.

(This whole post was inspired by a tweet. Thanks Stan, George, Pete and Alex)

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7 years ago

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7 years ago
dogswithtonguestickingoutalittle:
“Shelby, celebrating Christmas.
”

dogswithtonguestickingoutalittle:

Shelby, celebrating Christmas.

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7 years ago
dogswithtonguestickingoutalittle:
“My wonderful baby, Blaise.
”

dogswithtonguestickingoutalittle:

My wonderful baby, Blaise.

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7 years ago
hkstudio:
““Grenade!” ”
My absolute favorite part of this movie.

hkstudio:

“Grenade!”

My absolute favorite part of this movie.

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7 years ago

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7 years ago

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Video
7 years ago


hezzer19:

i-am-an-adult-i-swear:

dduane:

themasterslover:

seriously-what-is-my-life:

xanthewalter:

wrong-url-motherfucker:

Government, Monty Python Style

Still brilliantly funny all these years later.

BEST INSULTS

whenever i find monty python casually just on my dashboard i just blink a few times and then get super excited because i don’t see them as much as i’d like to on tumblr

Exquisite.

If anyone wonders where my blog easer comes from…

One of the greatest moments in film history.

(via 1979semifinalist)

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Post
7 years ago

Reesee’s Peesees

ect0c00ler:

Paul F. Tompkins: I was gonna say do you think that it was like an E.T. Reesee’s Peesees situation? Where OFF was like we don’t want our product in your movie. They’re like “No sweat we’re gonna go to Raid.”

Jason Mantzoukas: Fuck you, OFF. Fuck you and the Citronella people couldn’t get in the door. “Please we’ll give you all the candles you want.” Fuuuck you.

Paul Sheer: I wanna just play just to talk about weird-

JM: -Do you say “Reesee’s Peesees?” Sorry [to Paul Sheer]. 

PFT: Not on purpose but that’s how it comes out. 

JM: I say it “Reesee’s Peesees” as well. It’s only been brought to my attention recently that it’s “Reese’s Pieces.”

PS: Are you being serious?

JM: I’m being dead serious.

Nate Corddry: Yeah I do the same thing.

PFT: It must be an East Coast thing. 

JM: I think- wait what do you say?

NC: I say, yeah, I say the same thing “Reesee’s Peesees.”

PFT: Reesee’s Peesees? Yeah

PS: Reese’s Pieces, man.

JM: REE-SEES PEE-SEES. It makes no sense but it’s right. 

NC: Yes.

PS: It’s Peesees? What’s a Peesees?

NC: It’s a bag full of peesees.

JM: They are peesees of Reesees

NC: Little chocolate peesees.

PS: Reesee’s Peesees!?!

JM: Reesee’s Peesees. Come on! Show of hands who says “Reesee’s Peesees?” Wait, wait, wait. House lights. Can I have house lights for one second? Who says “Reesee’s Peesees?”

[Small crowd reaction]

JM: Wow that’s far fewer than I expected.

PS: How many people are for “Reese’s Pieces?”

[Large crowd reaction]

PS; To your logic- to both of your logics, it should be “Reesee’s Pieces” because at least it’s that.

JM: I understand what you’re saying and the logic of it adds up- they’re called Reesee’s Peesees

PFT & NC in unison: Yes.

PFT: You’re right and you’re wrong. You’re right and you’re wrong.

JM: You couldn’t be more right and more wrong at the same time.

How Did This Get Made?, Ep #107 - Lake Placid: LIVE! (Nate Corddry, Paul F. Tompkins)

I am from New York and my siblings and I 100% say Reesee’s Peesees.

Reesees’s Peesees til the day I die.

(via paulftompkins)

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7 years ago
putyouinabettermood:
“ I met a 14 year old lab with vitiligo this morning. via http://ift.tt/2anNI0M putyouinabettermood.com
”
This dog clearly has the Venom symbiote. Watch out!

putyouinabettermood:

I met a 14 year old lab with vitiligo this morning. via http://ift.tt/2anNI0M putyouinabettermood.com

This dog clearly has the Venom symbiote. Watch out!

(via putyouinabettermood)

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